Finally I feel like I can breathe. I've been able to give up something that has caused me a lot of agony for a long time. Finally I feel relieved, now that I don't have to constantly live with a bad conscience for not reading the Bible or for not praying hard enough. Now that I've managed to give myself some space (away from Christianity), those thoughts actually feel quite ridiculous. I am relieved to have understood that there is no certain "truth" in this world that I have to find. I don't have to live under constant pressure and pretend Christianity has given me answers, hope or comfort. I don't constantly have to try and assure myself that Christianity (as I used to know it) is true, when my reasoning is telling me otherwise. Finally I've found some mercy, mercy that comes from within.
I'm still not saying that I'm not a Christian. An antheist is surely something I'll never be. I've just began a long journey of searching, and I hope I'll never feel like I've got to the end of it. Searching and asking are the closest to the answers we'll ever get.
A blog to share my thoughts and to remind myself who I am and what I want from life. In the end, how much choice do I have? How much can I fight against the factors that make me...me? Am I just a mere sum of my surroundings? Unanswered questions...
5 comments:
Ita vero. Onnea matkallasi kohti mielenrauhaa ja etsimisen nautintoa.(:
http://www.online-literature.com/yeats/781/
(Älä välitä poistetusta kommentista, en aivan osannut.)
Ja pistetäänpä vielä tähän perään toimivakin linkki
http://www.online-literature.com/yeats/781/
It's so good to hear that you feel free again, not choked and hemmed by/in certain imaginations or beliefs that you don't really believe in! I deeply wish you that you will find this freedom more and more and live just appealing to what you feel is right and good for you and what you feel like at the moment. You seem such a beautiful and strong girl, and you are, too, you have a fascinating character.
Remember that it was you who invited me to Sublime the first time? I'm so glad you did that, because the experiences I made in NZ strentghened my belief in god so much and it is a basic thing for me, something that fulfills me and makes me so happy and I wouldn't want to miss it!:) But thank god we're all different and he loves you anyway, no matter if you read your bible and go to church or not, you know that, aye;).
I really like reading your blog diaries, not only because I miss you and they give an insight into your thoughts (which I can follow and understand very well), but because they're really philosophic, like the texts we'd read in school;)! You could write books later!
Sounds like you're kinda switching to the Kiwi way of life again =þ
L
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