"Just do your best!"

That's what so many teachers, adults, friends have adviced me to do.

Have you ever thought of how tough it actually is to try and do your best in everything? If I'll never be perfect, why should I even try? Even trying to do so in every aspect of your life is absolutely exhausting.

Let's give ourselves and others a rest, eh? Allow each other to be imperfect and sometimes not even try and do our best.


ps. I just did so, didn't even try my best in a History exam I was totally unprepared for. Still trying to forgive myself for doing so. ;D

?+?=x

How alone am I, really? Surrounded by people, almost wherever I am. Still I hope someone would see me. Not see me for what I seem to be but see me for what I really am. It must be too much to ask for. To ask for a special someone who'd care enough to call, to ask, to care.

Can relationships solve any problems? Should we try to learn to live with ourselves first? Or are people like half-made questions that can only be answered if found by the other half of the question?

Re: reject

I wish I could be strong. So that nothing happening on the outside would affect me. Oh hold on... Isn't that another important aspect of humanity as well? No man's an island, right. As human beings we are interactive and even if we blame otherwise, are affected by our surroundings.

What kind of living is it if you always hold back, always tread cautiously? Isn't a part of being young to take leaps of faith into the unknown? Yes, you'll get hurt but it'll be worth it, right? I just hope that my leaps of faith won't end up making me a cynical grown up.

And anyway, why can't people just be what they are, sincerely? Why is it that we have to keep up apperiances, to pretend we're better than we are? Or just pretend we're not as vulnerable as we truly are...

I believe?

" I believe - life is more than survival
I believe - the heart is more than a muscle
I believe - in Hope and in Freedom
I believe - we can now right from wrong
I believe - my life can make a difference
I believe the message of the Cross "

Thanks, Rick.

Change for the sake of change

This blog certainly is some kind of self-therapy, I doubt anyone has ever read it. Oh well, still serves a purpose.

I'm struggling with something I call Finland Anxiety. I'm ready to leave this counrty now. Ashame I can't, two more years of school left. Well, to be exact, who says I have to finish school here? Still, I'm probably just not brave enough to rebel against the institution that has given my life if not a purpose, at least some direction as long as I can remember. It's just that I don't enjoy being here. Am I just spoiled? Am I asking too much of life? Is it too much to expect life to be enjoyable every single day?

Running away is probably not the solution. Life will eventually become a routine in any country I might go to. Will I just have to keep running away? Or will I learn to settle down, be happy right where I am?

Busy making other plans?

I'm so exhaustingly fed up with everything. I feel like I hate this country, this town, this school, this house. I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

I'd just want to go tramping, kayaking and caving again. I want my life to be as adventurous as it used to be during my exchange year in New Zealand. I want to live my life to the full, not just go through every day without really living it.

Who'd come with me? Who' d want to discover new things with me? Everyone else is just too busy, their lives have been planned for years ahead. What's the point of living if you're always too busy to live the moment? What's the point of preparing for anything, if you're already making new plans when the moment that you're been waiting for is finally here?

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Well said, brother John.